Thoughtful

For a period of time in eighth grade I was convinced that I hated myself, and as a result I became convinced that I was somewhat depressed. Looking back I know I was criticizing others, picking out details of their actions that showed some slight flaw of character, and using these flaws to justify my being rude to them. I was being nasty to some of my friends. I was also perpetually worried about schoolwork, as if an A minus would kill me. Heck, I didn't realize that it was middle school, these grades weren't even that important, that not coloring a map perfectly didn't mean I was stupid. So this continued for some time. One night I was talking to my cousin, a student at Cornell, and he upon learning that I hated myself asked me what I hated about myself. I blanked out.

During the summer, my father was enrolled in the Dale Carnegie course. I happened to pick up his book and read a bit of the beginning, and then I couldn't stop. It was everything I wasn't doing and I needed to change.

Over the summer I tried to follow some of what I'd learned and was happier for everything that I did. Then school started, life got busy, and my mother and father had a huge fight again, and I sided with my mom because I felt she had been wronged. Things are usually volatile the few days following arguments, but this one went on and on, and I relapsed in my nastiness to my father.

It takes a while for things to sink in, I suppose. Something happened not too long ago without my realization, like I stepped out of something, left something, someplace behind. Like I took off something heavy and clouding my senses. People are not perfect. Everyone has something undesirable, most of all myself. And all people are capable of change, for it is our experiences that shape us into who we are. The last realization has affected me the most. More than anything it has made me appreciate others and see conflicts from a perspective other than mine. And that is the key to why we are here: to help and understand others, and to make life more bearable for all of us.